Reverting back!

Is that even possible? To go back to those times when it didn’t matter if you were moving forward or backward or even moving at all! When you couldn’t care less about what to wear when, if Mommy would be pleased or not by a certain thing you did, about what your friends are doing in their lives, when friends were just pals to play in evening with, share your secrets or make unconditional promises. When you needn’t bother about what kind of personality you are growing into;  how your actions are impacting your present, your future; when you didn’t need to bother about what kind of life you wish for some 10 years from now.

No, this isn’t about growing into an adult. This isn’t about those articles depicting beautiful and sorrowful transitions from childhood to adulthood, walking down the lane, cherishing memories. In fact, it’s much more than that. It’s not just an article or my first hand at my writing skills. This won’t really lead you anywhere. At the end you are not going to draw any conclusions out of it. So sit back and relax, because the next few paragraphs that you are going to read are purely meant for my writing and your reading sake and nothing more than that.

Say you did something so terrible in life that you can’t revert it back. Not at all. The fact that you committed it kills you every single second of your present. And you have no idea of how long this regret is gonna haunt you over. What do you do in such situation? Do you keep thinking about it not knowing where your thoughts gonna take you in the end or do you just move on with the fact that it happened and it’s in the past now? It’s not easy to do either. One might try starting all over again but that requires some real courage, will power and support from your surroundings and people you hang out with everyday. Sometimes you even wonder that if it really is that bad what you did or if it is just result of your own over-thinking about it. Life seems to stop for you for a moment at times and you wish to cry and shout aloud at the same time. You can’t take anything back for sure. You can’t cure anything too. You are just stuck there, scarred for life or at-least how people will make you think like. You start underestimating yourself and every decision you take. You have lost all your faith on yourself. You start believing and getting really influenced by anyone and everyone. Or in an opposite case you can become a total paranoid person, who stops trusting everyone and has broken faith for everything. You start looking back on how you used to be, your different versions at different points of time and you wish to become one of those again. But the fact you can’t revert back makes you wanna kill yourself. You know that you are breaking down every single minute of your life and turning into a real don’t-wanna-be-with kind of a person. Whom do you call for help in such situations? Do you really think that you can get along with life in the normal manner ever again? You start distracting yourself with activities or hobbies you’ve never tried before. They keep you engaged for time being. But the fact that you had a terrible past keep lurking right over there , makes you numb at times and then you discontinue everything again. You are back at from where you started. You start thinking of ending everything in its literal sense but then you think of people who still care for you. You see a ray of hope in them and wish to do anything that would make them stay. So you start a new life around them. This is not really what you wish to be but there is no other way you can survive. These people become the center of your universe. With time you start liking this new you around such people. You get a new direction and reason to live and to love yourself again. You start making promises to yourself for not letting them go. You feel like life isn’t so cruel after all.

No this isn’t about me or something I’ve seen or known. This is a work of pure fiction and nothing much. It’s just about your take on life, your take on everything you come across in life and how you try to deal with it. Because nothing in this world is given for granted, not even the life itself. One just stop understanding things after a certain point. That inner explorer inside just dies off so quickly and so easily. Logic and reasoning is what people are afraid of. The world is so super emotional I tell you. You can never revert back to any loss or to any time for sure. But what will stay with you is that piece of information in your brain about this whole mess and it’ll make sure that it eats up the entire other part of it too!

Just something to ponder upon. Nothing serious.


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